to grow.

I've been quite nostalgic recently. Maybe it's because I'm getting ready to graduate in 6 months, maybe it's the change in weather, or maybe it's because I'd rather reminisce than study for finals.

I haven't written in a while...been busy thinking. I do that a lot. My thoughts have been disjointed at best, but they've been there nonetheless - whirling and twirling like a tornado, ripping a pathway through my mind, grabbing from where it will, and leaving nothing but dust.

It took my first three years of college to "grow up" and really figure out who I am in the Lord. Now that I'm here, I'm getting ready to have to leave...to make more changes. So what happens now? More growing up? Or maybe just growing better.

As children we have growing pains. Growing hurts - physically, emotionally, sometimes spiritually. Especially as children when we are growing so much. As we age, however, the growing process lessens its intensity and becomes more gradual. Instead of adding a couple inches a year, maybe just a single wrinkle forms on the face. It's less painful, but better...we've learned how to grow, and it's a natural process that we are accustomed to, rather than just beginning to figure it out.

We resist this process of growing up all our lives, until we figure out how it works. We don't want to be old or taller until we realize that everyone grows old and taller...and until we see our friends growing old or taller. Then we're ready. We don't want to be the last ones to reach the monkey bars on the playground.

Change is one of my favorite things, now. It's why fall is my favorite season...the leaves die, shedding all the old growth off of the trees, the trees rough it out during the winter months, braving the cold wind in preparation for new growth - for beautiful change. And that change brings life. The wonderful process starts with losing leaves, though...a step that seems to take a step backward.

Growing is beautiful. To grow and change is hard and wonderful and necessary. To grow is to die and be reborn, over and over. To grow is to redeem and be redeemed. If that's the case, I can't wait to grow and keep growing, to change and keep changing, in order to retain life.