I was studying today, and my friend walked up to share a table with me. I paused to talk for a moment as she pulled out her laptop. The sticker on the cover read "LOVE WINS." Those words were all I could think about for the rest of the day.
Love wins. I have a friend who calls me no matter how long it's been since the last time we've talked. She will often call me three or four times before I call her back. I would think that she would be so frustrated with me by now. We laugh about it when we get together. Her love is greater than my shortcomings. It always wins.
Love wins. I was locked out of my house the other day, and at 1:30 in the morning, I woke up my roommate who had a test the next day to let me in. The next morning, she gave me a huge hug as usual, as if I had never been thoughtless enough to forget my key and selfish enough to disturb her sleep. She never fails me.
Love wins. I say this not because I see it overcoming all in my life, because I definitely don't love like my two friends do. I say this because these words are weighted with hope - hope that my battles are not in vain.
Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting so hard to love others, and sometimes I'm fighting to let others love me. Other times, I'm just fighting for God's love to penetrate my hard heart and warm me from the inside out. It seems in vain. It seems like I'm losing all the time. I feel like I'm never reaching the full potential of love.
That's just the thing, though. I'm not reaching the potential. My efforts are in vain. I am losing - to Love, that is.
I'm realizing every day that Love wins; it wins me. In my battles, I am fighting so hard to live and love, when ironically I'm losing to a Love that is taking me over. It's like I'm swimming towards the boat, trying so hard to get inside so I can start making progress, so I can start moving forward in life, and all He wants me to do is stop and drown - drown in the waves of His Love.
It's so contradictory to what I've thought all my life. I've constantly chased after this life I think He wants me to live, and He wants me to stop and let Him consume me. He wants me to stop fighting and let Love win. And I've thought all along I had to "reach the boat" to get to the Love and where I can finally act out of that Love. I just need to give up and let Love wash over me - over, and over, and over again. And then let the tide take me where He wills.
Stop swimming for the boat. Drown. Let the water seep into my lungs until they're so full that it hurts to breathe. I will die, that is for sure.
But Love wins.