i want my life to mean nothing.

This is an excerpt from David Platt's new book Radical:

One Christian in India, while being skinned alive, looked at his persecutors and said,

"I thank you for this. Tear off my old garment, for I will soon put on Christ's garment of righteousness."  As he prepared to head to his execution, Christopher Love wrote a note to his wife, saying, Today they will sever me from my physical head, but they cannot sever me from my spiritual head, Christ." As he walked to his death, his wife applauded while he sang of glory.

As he walked to his death, his wife applauded while he sang of glory.

The first time I read these words I cried. This kind of love is elusive to my paltry emotions. A love that applauds death, applauds detachment from the things of this world, even when those things are dearly loved themselves. How great a love for Jesus to applaud His glory, and her husband's soon union with his Maker. I cannot fathom, but I wish I could. My heart twinges as I read of this, and the faintest idea I have of it is enough to make me yearn.

I pray fervently that I, that we, could love nothing so much that we could not lay it on the altar for the glory of God, if asked. I would hazard to say that I pray that none of us would have to act out our sacrificial love, but now I wonder at that mindset. What great joy may be found in laying down that which we had thought so wonderful! I do not know now, but I pray that I would know this joy.

St. Augustine writes a similar sentiment in his Confessions:

How sweet did it suddenly become to me to be without the sweetness of trifles! And it was now a joy to put away what I formerly feared to lose. For thou didst cast them away from me, O true and highest Sweetness. Thou didst cast them away, and in their place thou didst enter in thyself--sweeter than all pleasure, though not to flesh and blood; brighter than all light, but more veiled than all mystery; more exalted than all honor, though not to them that are exalted in their own eyes. Now was my soul free from the gnawing cares of seeking and getting, of wallowing in the mire and scratching the itch of lust. And I prattled like a child to thee, O Lord my God--my light, my riches, and my salvation.

Whatever it takes, I want to know this sweet joy. To know the joy that Christopher Love's wife experienced as she applauded his martyrdom. I want my life to be nothing, to have nothing, and to mean nothing without the sweet joy of my Savior and my abandonment to Him.

discovering dallas: day #4

Crooked Tree Coffeehouse.
A delight. Snuggled in an old residential area, founded by two Aggies, this is truly a find in Urban Dallas. It feels more like Austin. Or maybe your grandma's house. It's in an old home, so you really are just sitting in someone else's living room. I loved it. I ordered the French press coffee and drank the whole thing black. ("The whole thing" ended up being about four cups of coffee. Bring on the jitters!) The kind lady that served me said, "Here is your dessert," and boy was she right. No sugar and cream necessary.

Her name is Donna Renee and she is just lovely - looking to start her PhD at UT Dallas, so we chatted a bit. I imagine I will become a regular at Crooked Tree. If you'd like to join me, just let me know.

there is a design.

No, there is not a formula to life, but there is a design. There is not a list of simple steps to follow that will add up, creating an equation that gives the answer to life, and love, and why (Switchfoot reference). But praise God there is a design. There is an end picture that life adds up to, and we all paint different lines and shades, and use different brushes and mediums, but we have direction. We have guidance. We have a design that we are all creating, and we are not in the dark. We know the design. We may have to paint over our mistakes, but the end is crystal clear in light of our Maker - our Designer.

I have been listening to the band Mumford and Sons, recommended by several of my friends, and I just love them. One of their songs, Sigh No More, depicts this idea beautifully. You can listen to it below. My favorite portion goes like this:

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

The beauty of love as it was made to be. It was made to set you free. I had lunch with my dear friend Abby today, and she is the epitome of this. She has overcome many challenges and hardships this year, and has trusted so sweetly in the freeing love of Jesus. Her life and love is an encouragement to me, and an example of the freedom that comes from knowing that Jesus has the design, and it's beautiful, and it's meant to set you free.

Amen.